The Subtle Nectar: A Poem

A poem by Tan S. M. Amelia

For fate keeping us afar
seemingly forever
in incomplete halves,
knowing your innermost secrets
not knowing your lips,
though familiar
yet strangers.

One’s nightmare may never end
the terror of you being taken
by mountains and seas.
Until we reunite?
Until our vows?
Until our wrinkles defeat
the shadows in the sand?
The void shall never fill.

But a choice I have
to seek for the loving,
choose the trustworthy,
believe the insightful,
and observe the subtle nectar
within the dazzling petals.
He is you.

Releasing My Music on Spotify

I am not a professional but I like listening to, playing, and creating music. Recently, I have launched a website and released 3 songs under the pseudonym of ‘Shermay Teng‘. Perhaps what I’m about to share may benefit some of you.

Each song took about a month to complete using Yamaha PSR-EW410 for the composition, MuseScore for the piano sheet annotation, Studio One 5 Prime for the arrangement, and Amuse for the distribution. For the album art and recording, I use the Windows built-in Paint 3D software and Apple earphones. For one of the songs, I used GarageBand to play and record traditional Chinese instruments. Looking forward to creating more music in the future.

Shermay Teng Links

Website
YouTube
Spotify

Please feel free to drop any inquiry or comment at the comment box below.

Taiwanese Sticky Rice (台灣油飯)

Taiwanese Sticky Rice
(台湾油饭)

Recipe

Chewy, fulfilling and aromatic sticky rice

Mushrooms gently fried at low heat gives off an umami aroma

---

Recipe

~2 servings

Ingredients:
Glutinous/sticky rice 糯米 1 cup
Braised pork/Chinese sausage/chicken meat 腊肉/腊肠 1/3-1/2 cup
Dried shrimp 虾米 1 tablespoon
Mushroom 香菇 3-4 pieces
Fried shallot 1-2 shallots
Spring onion 1-2 tablespoons
Garlic 蒜末 3-4 cloves
Water 3/4 cup

Seasoning:
Soy sauce (生抽/豉油/酱油) 1-2 tablespoons
Sesame oil 1-2 laddles
Salt A pinch
White pepper A pinch

Cooking:

1. Soak the sticky rice in room temperature water for 2 hours.
2. Soak the mushrooms for an hour.
3. Soak the dried shrimps for 5 minutes to 30 minutes depending on the type of dried shrimps and your desired texture.
4. Fry sliced shallot until golden brown or use pre-fried shallots.
5. Steam drenched wet sticky rice for 20-25 minutes.
6. Squeeze excess water out of the mushrooms and dried shrimp.
7. Slice the meat and mushrooms; mash the garlic.
8. Chop the dried shrimp and spring onions.
9. With low heat, toast mushrooms until almost golden.
10. Prepare the seasoning while waiting for the mushrooms to become fragrant and golden.
11. Add oil if it has been adsorbed by the mushroom.
12. Add the dried shrimp and mashed garlic, then the meat.
13. When all are golden brown and fragrant, add water and turn to medium heat.
14. Mix the seasoning and add in.
15. When sauce is evaporated and thickened, stir in the sticky rice on low heat until the little remaining sauce is quickly adsorbed.
16. Quickly stir in the fried shallot and turn off the heat before the individual rice grain overcooks into mush.
17. Sprinkle some chopped spring onion.
18. Serve and ready to eat.
19. Can be chilled up to 2-3 days.

Notes

Taiwanese Sticky Rice in Chinese, 油饭, actually means “oil rice” because of the moist and shiny surface of the dish. However, the glistening effect still can be achieved with less oil because the moist look is actually from the water in the evaporated sauce. This is a common family dish and well-known recipe in Taiwan. You may also add dried tofu or dried bean curd (腐竹) if desired.

Tip off: It is challenging to prepare this dish with distinguished grains without mushing them up. Slightly overcooked or overwetted during the cooking process can end up in a a soft, wet, pulpy mass. The secret is in the cooking steps above (i.e. volume control of water, how concentrated the thickened sauce is before adding the rice), which will give you separated individual grains yet at the same time a more chewy texture.

Rating

台湾油饭
Taste: ♥♥♥♥♥♥ (5 out of 5)
Health: ♥♥♥ (3 out of 5)
Cost: ~RM6-7 per serving
*Rated in year 2021.

True Discipline or Mere Inability?

Welcome to episode 7 of Philosochology and thank you for tuning in. Today’s episode is more related to self discovery or soul search.

I asked a partner from a past relationship once, ‘Why did you spend so much money online?’

He said, ‘Because you taught me how to spend money online.’

So I asked him, ‘Would you kill someone if you know how to kill and get away with it? Would you have an affair if you know I will never find out?’

He fell sheepishly silent.

There’s a saying, “when men become rich, they become unfaithful”. But the problem is not just having wealth, it’s the core values, the principles, and the discipline in them. If they’re able to cheat on their partner, they’re likely unfaithful from the start, but just didn’t have the financial ability to treat more than one when they’re poor. Rich men with unwavering principles will stay faithful even if he had the chance to have a secret affair that is guaranteed to never get found out. The main point is, are you doing something just because you could, or are you doing something you could based on your principles?

If I say I have never driven a car above a speed of 110 kilometres per hour, can we say that I am not someone who drives fast? Maybe I actually do drive fast but I couldn’t because of the car I drive, so I never even thought about it. If someone never had a sexual affair in his marriage, can we say he is a faithful man? He could’ve perhaps never thought about it if he doesn’t approach ladies, but might have an affair if a lady approach him one day.

This concept can be used in children education. For example, if our children don’t waste money or don’t drive fast because they don’t have money or a fast car, they don’t get enough opportunities to learn discipline or control over what they have. With more money or a faster car, they learn how to manage and self restrain. We can restrain or limit their allowance in the beginning, but should still slowly increase their allowance and let them practice independent management.

Discipline is when we know we can drive recklessly fast or waste money if we wanted to, but was able to control ourselves to a self-fixed level. Discipline is being able to intentionally not do something that you can, or want, or tempted to do.

Haven’t done or haven’t thought about doing something, when it is troublesome, difficult or impossible to do so, is mere inability. Haven’t done or haven’t thought about doing something, when it is easy or ‘seduced’ to do so, is true discipline.

Before doing something, ask ourselves, are we doing something just because it’s easier? What are our principles and moderation?

What are your thoughts or ideas after reading this article or listening to this podcast episode? Feel free to drop in a feedback, comment, or message.

Is Having a Crush Bad When You’re in a Relationship?

Our blog, Work + Passion = Balance, has started a podcast called Philosochology. Articles related to philosophy and psychology will be aired on our podcast too. Hi Philosochologiers! Welcome to episode 6. Today we would be talking about liking someone else when we’re already in a relationship. So…

Is having a crush bad when you’re in a relationship?

Crush is just a feeling, it is innocent. It is how humans triggered its existence and how we deal with it that determine if the feeling was badly used.

Usually, if the current relationship is already in a poor state, if initiative effort has been taken to maintain a distance with potential crushes from the start, and if the physical actions towards the crush are controlled within the boundaries that you had agreed with the person that you’re currently in a relationship with, then you have dealt with this feeling in a good way. For example, if there was already something in your partner that made you second guess marrying or investing the rest of your life on him, if you had reduced interactions with potential crushes the moment you felt something was wrong, if you remained physically loyal with your current partner, then it is okay. This example is very subjective because some people believe that their partner should tell them honestly that someone is triggering some initial feelings, so the actions that must be taken vary in terms of you and your partner’s personalities. Finally, when your affection for the crush is stronger, it is also okay to tell your partner that both of you might need to discuss possible breakup or your partner improving him/herself to be more worthy and deserving of you than your crush does.

On the other hand, if no effort was taken to maintain a distance with potential crushes from the start, if the current relationship and partner are loving and satisfactory, and if the agreed boundaries were crossed, then you have dealt with this feeling in a bad way.

For some personalities, having a crush while in a relationship might be a repetitive thing for them, if it keeps happening, it is because an important step is missed – and that is to think thoroughly about what kind of partner traits are a must-have for you to know when to be satisfied and stop looking.

Lastly, please take this information along with several other sources to arrive at your best conclusion. If you have other opinions to share feel free to drop in a message or comment. We might share or even discuss futher with your opinions in future episodes. Thank you for tuning in.

Chinese Steamed Bun (饅頭)

Chinese Steamed Bun (馒头)

Recipe

Tasty and warming treat for cold weather or busy in-between meals

---

Recipe

Ingredients:
Flour 200 g
Milk 120 g
Sugar 20 g
Yeast 2 g

Cooking:

1. Knead all ingredients together until smooth.
2. Leave for 10 to 15 minutes.
3. Knead firmly into a square with a rolling pin, then lightly roll into a cylinder.
4. Cut into cubed sizes.
5. Leave to raise by two folds.
6. Steam for 8 minutes.
7. Serve or freeze until next serving.

Notes

The Chinese steamed bun is also known as mantou (馒头).

Tip off: You can actually freely add fillings if preferred, but filled buns usually replace milk with water in the recipe.

Rating

馒头
Taste: ♥♥♥♥♥ (4 out of 5)
Health: ♥♥♥ (3 out of 5)
Cost: ~RM1 per 3 pieces
*Rated in year 2021.

Children’s Three-Character Classics (三字經弟子規)

Children’s Three-Character Classics have been the classical teachings for the young since 1600s to 1800s.

入則孝
父母呼，應勿緩。父母命，行勿懶。父母教，順敬聽。父母責，須順承。冬則溫，夏則凊。晨則省，昏則定。出必告，反必面。居有常，業無變。事雖小，勿擅為。苟擅為，子道虧。物雖小，勿私藏。苟私藏，親心傷。親所好，力為具。親所惡，謹為去。身有傷，貽親憂。德有傷，貽親羞。親愛我，孝何難。親憎我，孝方賢。親有過，諌使更。怡吾色，柔吾聲。諌不入，悅复諌。號泣隨，撻無怨。親有疾，藥先嘗。晝夜侍，不離床。喪三年，常悲咽。居處變，酒肉絕。喪盡禮，祭盡誠。事死者，如事生。

---

出則弟
兄道友，弟道恭；兄弟睦，孝在中。財物輕，怨何生。言語忍，忿自泯。或飲食，或坐走。長者先，幼者後。長呼人，即代叫。人不在，己即到。稱尊長，勿呼名。對尊長，勿見能 。路遇長，疾趨揖。長無言，退恭立。騎下馬，乘下車。過憂待，百步餘。長者立，幼勿坐；長者坐，命乃坐 。尊長前，聲要低。低不聞，卻非宜。近必趨，退必遲。問起對，視勿移。事諸父，如事父；事諸兄，如事兄。

---

謹
朝起早，夜眠遲。老易至，惜此時。晨必盥，兼漱口。便溺回，輒淨手。冠必正，紐必結。襪與履，俱緊切。置冠服，有定位。勿亂頓，致污穢。衣貴潔，不貴華。上循分，下稱家。對飲食，勿揀擇。食適可，勿過則。年方少，勿飲酒。飲酒醉，最為醜。步從容，立端正。揖深圓，拜恭敬。勿踐閾，勿跛倚。勿箕踞，勿搖髀。緩揭簾，勿有聲。寬轉彎，勿觸棱。執虛器，如執盈。入虛室，如有人。事勿忙，忙多錯。勿畏難，勿輕略。鬥鬧場，絕勿近。邪僻事，絕勿問。將入門，問孰存。將上堂，聲必揚。人問誰，對以名。吾與我，不分明。用人物，順明求。倘不問，即為偷。借人物，及時還。後有急，借不難。

---

信
凡出言，信為先。詐與莽，奚可焉。話說多，不如少。惟其是，勿佞巧。姦巧語，穢污詞。市井氣，切戒之。見未真，勿輕言。知未的，勿輕傳。事非宜，勿輕諾。苟輕諾，進退錯。凡道字，重且舒。勿急疾，勿模糊。彼說長，此說短。不關己，莫閒管。見人善，即思齊。縱去遠，以漸躋。見人惡，即內省。有則改，無加警。唯德學，唯才藝。不如人，當自礪。若衣服，若飲食。不如人，勿生戚。聞過怒，聞譽樂。損友來，益友卻。聞譽恐，聞過欣。直諒士，漸相親。無心非，名為錯。有心非，名為惡。過能改，歸於無。倘掩飾，增一辜。

---

泛愛眾
凡是人，皆須愛。天同覆，地同截。行高者，名自高。人所重，非貌高。才大者，望自大。人所服，非言大。己有能，勿自私。人所能，勿輕訾。勿諂富，勿驕貧。勿厭故，勿喜新。人不閑，勿事攪。人不安，勿話擾。人有短，切莫揭。人有私，切莫說。道人善，即是善。人知之，愈思勉。揚人惡，既是惡。疾之甚，禍且作。善相勸，德皆建。過不規，道兩虧。凡取與，貴分曉。與宜多，取宜少。將加人，先問己。己不欲，即速已。恩欲報，怨欲忘。報怨短，報恩長。待婢僕，身貴端。雖貴端，慈而寬。勢服人，心不然。理服人，方無言。

---

親仁
同是人，類不齊。流俗眾，仁者希。果仁者，人多畏。言不諱，色不媚。能親仁，無限好。德日進，過日少。不親仁，無限害。小人進，百事壞。

---

餘力學文
不力行，但學文。長浮華，成何人。但力行，不學文。任己見，昧理真。讀書法，有三到。心眼口，信皆要。方讀此，勿慕彼。此未終，彼勿起。寬為限，緊用功。工夫到，滯塞通。心有疑，隨札記。就人問，求確義。房室清，牆壁淨。幾案潔，筆硯正。墨磨偏，心不端。字不敬，心先病。列典籍，有定處。讀看畢，還原處。雖有急，卷束齊。有缺壞，就補之。非聖書，屏勿視。敝聰明，壞心志。勿自暴，勿自棄。聖與賢，可馴致。

You’re Angry Just Because I Love You?

Hi Philosochologiers! Today I would like to talk about a mindset flaw that causes a very common relationship problem – that love is a noble and valid excuse for our actions.

Earlier this month a lady asked me, why is her ex angry at her for loving him. I gave her some points to consider…

Well, usually exes are angry not because we love them. They are actually angry at our expectations that we put on ourselves and on them that are driven by our love. If we really love them as we say we do, we should let them do whatever makes them happy, but most of the times we do things that make only ourselves feel better. In his eyes, if he is angry then stop doing whatever it is you’re doing if you truly love him, otherwise you’re just all talk and he’s just getting less and less convinced that you love him.

Usually exes are angry because whether we love them or not has nothing to do with them, we should just go on loving them secretly like how unrequited love is, yet we act as if they have to deal with us just because we feel what we feel, and we at times even impose certain expectations on them, such as expecting from them attention, friendship, kind words, texts, exchange of feelings, or some sort of hint that they still have memories of us when we were still together. Their attention towards us are their options if they decide to offer; we are not entitled to expect attention from them. Responsibility and commitment are important in an ongoing relationship but love should not be an excuse to limit someone’s freedom against their willingness, no matter if we’re in or out of a relationship. Giving exes small attention may seem like kind acts but some disagree and see these as cruel acts. Having different personalities and mindsets is normal, if we couldn’t respect each other’s views, then it may be wiser to be out of that relationship and find someone more suitable.

We have to understand that we love them and whether or not they love us are two different things. If we still love them that’s our problem, they don’t have to treat us as if they still love us (they don’t want to love us anymore) and we shouldn’t treat them as if they like receiving our expression of love (they don’t want to receive our love anymore). If they’re angry, they probably also know they don’t deserve your love, wanting you to focus more on yourself, and to respect and love yourself more. If they’re no longer committed to you (has become your ex) yet happy that you love them then they’re likely selfish and love themselves more.

If being “unable to hide what you’re feeling” is your core personality and your face just happens to show all of your emotions yet he doesn’t like it, then it’s because 1) his personality is too different from yours to relate with you and/or 2) he doesn’t know you that well.

However, if he wants you to stop feeling something you can’t control (provided you’ve put some effort in focusing and loving yourself more), then his IQ and EQ need some development.

Well, in the end, love is frequently used as an excuse for our expectations, but love and expectations are two, very, different things. Love makes them happy; expectations actually just make us happy. Yet, we often think that our expectations are for their own good and that they will thank us one day, when we’re in fact ignorant that everyone’s mind is individual and could think very, very opposite from how we think, eventually feeling the opposite of happy.

Some side note to share. The mentioned problem of using love as an excuse, also applies to parent-child relationships, where parents might have unknowingly used love as an excuse to suffocate their children with so-called affection that only the parent wants but the child might neither enjoy, nor require, nor truly benefit from, such as learning ballet or piano skills, which may just be the parents’ passion. What may seem kind to us, may actually be cruel and pressuring for a child or partner, so thoughtful self-reflection prior acting would do much, much help.

We’ve reached the end of episode 5. If you have other opinions please feel free to drop them in. We might share your opinions and discuss further in future episodes. Thank you for tuning in.

Little Frames

Today I would like to talk about human-made little frames. Before I begin, I would just like to remind philosophy-loving blog post readers and podcast listeners to think about the topic with an extremely open, positive, and curious mind, or stop listening to it if the idea being shared is too un-relatable to be accepted.

Now, back to the human-made little frames. I feel as if we are creating more and more frames. If we ponder about it, neither LGBT nor religions matter in the universe, it is us who enforce multiple frames and groups. I feel that LGBT does not matter because, at the end of the day, we do not have sex with every L, G, B, or T, but mostly settle down with just one or limited number of persons depending on whether you’re a monogamy or polygamy. So technically, we do not end up as an homosexual nor heterosexual, but eventually end up as a “partner-sexual”, because when we finally decide to commit to one or few partners, we would be sexually and emotionally attached to only our partners. If we are only sexually open with chosen partners, at the end of the day, then why do sexual orientation matter? It’s not like we have to become sexually attracted to them if they’re sexually attracted to us. If they expect that, then it is not a matter of orientation, but a matter of respect for personal space, which even heterosexuals could fail to honour, showing that it is a matter of etiquette and having proper rules of conduct.

Another little frame we like to enforce is religion and generalisation. Everyone has different beliefs because none have solid proof so none is the winner, otherwise there wouldn’t be multiple religions. The existence of multiple religions is proof that no religion is confirmed to truly exist over the other. Generalising an entire society based on limited examples and understanding is also subconscious self-made framing of groups. This shows that ethnicity, religion and sexual orientation could remain as small matters, until we put things up in little virtual frames and groups, then discriminate and go to war at each other over virtual self-made frames.

Herbal Mutton Soup (藥材慢燉羊肉湯)

Herbal Mutton Soup

Recipe

Healthy and warming treat for cold weather

Tender mutton from tough cuts that still falls apart tantalisingly

Suitable for people who are prone to feeling cold

Four-hour simmered herbal beef soup

---

Recipe

Ingredients:
Mutton/Beef/Chicken
茯苓 Poria cocos (Fr.)Wolf.
莲子 Nelumbo nucifera
芡实 Euryale ferox Salisb.
淮山 Dioscorea opposita Thunb.
*~10-20g per serving.

Seasoning (upon preference):
Soy sauce (生抽/豉油/酱油)
Salt
White pepper
Black pepper (optional)
Mashed garlic – half clove/serving (optional)

Cooking:

1. Brown mutton, beef, or chicken meat very slightly in pan if using slow cooker.
2. Bring water to a boil.
3. Add all ingredients and mashed garlic into the boiling water.
4. Simmer on low heat for 2 hours on kitchen stove. Alternatively, 4 hours and 6 hours in slow cooker on high and low heat, respectively.
5. Add remaining seasoning and stir.
6. Serve hot in a bowl.

Notes

Another name for this dish is Four Gods Mutton Soup (四神炖羊肉湯). The four herbs, thus four gods, used in this dish are known for their incredibly important medical function in removing dampness (祛湿), according to traditional Chinese medicine research that dates back more than 2,200 years ago.

Tip off: Noodles can be added to make herbal soup noodles. This dish is usually served with a small bowl of rice during cold weather or winter. Even the toughest cheapest mutton/beef cuts can be used for this dish.

Personal notes: 【中醫學】在陽旺之軀胃濕恆多，在陰盛之體脾濕亦不少 – 在脾的濕邪主要表現為舌淡苔白膩，頭蒙如裹，口不渴、脘痞、腹脹、四肢困倦重濁、大便溏洩。在胃的濕邪表現為舌紅苔黃膩，頭腦不清醒，咽部不適，口粘、口苦，納差、胸悶、胃部不適、口渴不欲飲，大便粘滯不爽等。

baike.baidu.com

Translation: [Traditional Chinese Medicine] In the body of yang, there is a lot of dampness in the stomach, and in the body of yin, there is a lot of dampness in the spleen – The dampness in the spleen is mainly manifested as pale tongue with white coating, lack of thirst, bloating, swollen and tired limbs, loose stool. Dampness in the stomach is mainly manifested as red tongue with yellow coating, slow mind, throat discomfort, sticky mouth, bitter mouth, anorexia, chest tightness, upset stomach, thirsty but unwilling to drink, sticky stool.

baike.baidu.com

Rating

药材羊肉汤
Taste: ♥♥♥♥♥♥ (5 out of 5)
Health: ♥♥♥♥♥ (5 out of 5)
Cost: ~RM6-7 per bowl
*Rated in year 2021.